This is a tough season. It's a season of questioning, wondering and learning to rely on God in new ways. It's a season of seeing people come and go in my life. It's a season of fighting old habits and learning new things. It's a season of being long distance and wishing I wasn't. It's a season of fighting for my joy daily.
Recently I've been in a process with God of really listening to who He says He is as well as who He says I am. It's so easy to let others decide who I am and am not and let that become my identity. The beauty is when you allow Him to determine that and speak that over you. He gave me the word "becoming" this morning. I asked who am I to you and He answered all the words that I could only aspire to be.
I could tell you every single God story of how He brought me here, to be a completely scatterbrained individual with a tried and true acceptance letter sitting in front of me, but I won't. He has been so faithful through all of this, through every doctors appointment, every deep spiritual question on the application, the time that I realized this trip was $3000 less than I expected, and even every conversation of people wanting to support my trip, I'm so thankful.
Last Thursday though, it hit me, and it hit me hard. I'm over here stressing, getting all proud of myself, what God's going to do through me, months and years down the road. But Thursday, the reality hit. He's doing stuff, big things, in and through me, here, now.