choosing.

Sometimes it just feels like life won’t stop throwing more at you… when you already can’t handle what you’ve been given.

That’s how I’ve felt a lot recently.

I feel like I’m in a broken and sinking boat that just keeps getting more holes poked in it so it sinks even faster. It feels like a never-ending cycle of unfortunate events.

but that isn’t reality.

I spent my birthday this year at home, making it the 4th birthday at home in the last 12 years. I love adventure, I love going, I love moving.

Turning 19 felt mundane because of my location. 

Days aren’t about location. or people. or comments. or likes.

New days are about learning to trust God for who He is. where you are. right now.

This is so hard, though. I’m preaching to myself. I mean, I ended my birthday crying because I felt like I’m not doing enough big things, I feel caught up in the mundane. But as I sat there on the washing machine talking to my mom, she said “it isn’t about what’s been, but what is right now. what are you going to make this day?”

Yes, I’ve had tons of adventures.

Yes, God’s calling me to go again.

Yes, going is exciting for me.

But.

Right now God’s really speaking to me about the importance of today. Where my feet are planted in this moment. Learning to be present and to focus on grounding myself right here. 

I told God this morning about all that’s overwhelming me right now and how I feel like there are a thousand question marks, when I just want a period at the end of a statement. I told Him how I’m weary of the day-to-day life and getting anxious about every little thing.

He spoke in a still small voice and said “darling, take time for you. Don’t get caught up in the drama but instead make the peace. Make peace. That is your goal today. Simply put… love the unloved. stand up for the incapable. grieve with the grieving. Be peace.”

His words calmed my wrestling heart and reminded me that even in the mundane, even when everything feels so dramatic, He’s still here. He’s still listening. He’s still speaking.

I just have to breathe out my worries and let Him breathe His peace and grace into me.

On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!

Hills + Valleys : Tauren Wells

He’s still enough, even now.

He’s still enough, even now.

He’s still enough, even now.

He’s the God of the hills and the valleys

with us through it all — not just in the good.

praying over us a clear sense of peace today. may we remember who it is that we’re serving and be reminded that He hasn’t left us in the muck and mire.

much love,

n.

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