Here, Now.

Honestly, I don’t know why I’m writing this. I sat at The Grove tonight and just felt this stirring in me to write. I typically sit down and tell God to write His words, and there I sit, writing, faster than I can even think. Then, 600 or so words later He decides He’s done and I slow down, read through it, cry a little, and post it. It’s a cycle, it’s messy, it’s wet (tears), and it’s sincere. I don’t write because I’m a good writer, we all know by now that that’s definitely not true. I don’t write because I have to. I write because I get this stirring in my heart that God has something to say, and He wants to say it through me.

So here this goes.

God, your words, not mine.

A few months ago, I felt a stirring, it wouldn’t go away, God was calling me to more. More than this regular, American life. He wants to use me for something bigger than I can see. Bigger than I will be able to see for a good while. I’m not just here, on this Earth, to be just a somebody. I’m made for more than that. You were made for more than that.

I’ve been praying through that, begging God to show me what He wants me to do. Asking Him to put it in front of me, make it obvious where He wants me and how He wants to use me there. And He’s shown me, bits and pieces, little by little, that it will be probably be outside of the US. I think I’ve gotten caught up in that, and honestly, a little proud of that. Woohoo, God’s calling me to be a missionary. Big whoop.

Last Thursday though, it hit me, and it hit me hard. I’m over here stressing, getting all proud of myself, what God’s going to do through me, months and years down the road. But Thursday, the reality hit. He’s doing stuff, big things, in and through me, here, now.

I leave to go to Ecuador two weeks from today, but I was too busy worrying about the future to realize that and to bask in that. I leave to go out of the country to do mission work, in 14 days. On September 26, 25 of us will fly out of Atlanta headed towards Ecuador to simply be the hands and feet of Jesus. That’s kind of a big deal. Why am I not acting like it?

Because I’m too busy being absorbed by what He will do, to notice was He is doing.

Maybe for you, that’s not a giant thing, maybe it’s a smaller thing. Maybe you’re simply just looking forward to the weekend, but I need you to know something. Being the hands and feet of Jesus isn’t just for Sundays. It’s a daily choice. It’s waking up every day saying that you choose to serve Jesus over yourself.

Maybe for you, you’ve just lost a loved one or maybe they’re suffering, but let me tell you something. Good will come out of this. God will get the glory for this, but you have to choose daily to show God’s love, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts.

“Even When It Hurts” by Hillsong has been my cry here lately.

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

He is the only one worthy of our praise. We, me included, have to start living like it.

We have to start choosing Him daily, choosing for our day to bring glory to Him rather than glory to ourselves. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not easy, but we’re in this together.

At the Grove tonight, Shelley Giglio said something that really stood out to me.

“God raises things up in due time. He has a season for all things. We should think about our lives in regard to the seasons HE has for us – not what we have predetermined for ourselves.”

Ugh. Gets me right in the feels. Pushes all the buttons that I don’t want pushed.

Know this, God, the one who made the entire earth, all of humanity, every drop of water in the ocean, loves you. I love you too, even though that’s not quite as exciting, and I’m praying for you. I pray that God would make it clear to you, how He wants to use you, now, where you are.

All my love,

Nat.

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